A Very Merry Christmas, Hanukah, Eid Mubarak - A Happy New Year

, by Anonymous

Holiday Greetings to Everyone

We wanted to send some sort of holiday
greeting to all of you, but it is so difficult in
today’s world to know exactly what to say without
offending someone. So we met with my attorney
yesterday, and on his advice we wish to say the
following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or
implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally
conscious, socially responsible, low stress,
non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the
summer solstice holiday, practised with the most
enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or
secular practices of your choice with respect for
the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions
of others, or their choice not to practice religious
or secular traditions at all.

We also wish you all a fiscally successful,
personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated
recognition of the onset of the generally accepted
calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for
the calendars of choice of other cultures whose
contributions to society have helped make my or your
country great (not to imply that UAE, Pakistan,
China, Singapore, the US and Thailand is necessarily
greater than any other country) and without regard
to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability,
religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting
these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or
withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no
alteration to the original greeting. It implies no
promise by the wisher to actually implement any of
the wishes for her/himself or others and is void
where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the
sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is
warranted to perform as expected within the usual
application of good tidings for a period of one year
or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday
greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is
limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a
new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the
sending of this message; however, a significant
number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.

We are also deeply regretful if this message is sent
out later than expected than what may correct. In no way should
the timing of this message be deemed to imply bias of any sort
on the importance of any celebration or that any celebration is
greater than another.

Best Wishes!

No specific license (default rights)